shared with a full heart and a lovingly, snarky wit for my empty nest husband

MARRIAGE DIARIES

I love my husband. He puts up with a lot of me and my thoughts. Like my middle child explains, “mom, you keep hitting print after you get the error message.”

I point out I was a young college freshman when I met my future husband who was at least a 5th year college senior.

My husband would point out that the age difference increases by a year on every anniversary.

I think he is a smarty pants.

He is the father who got all three of our children up the chairlift and got all three of them down the mountain.

Meanwhile, I had at least one “yard sale” on the slopes every week.

I think I was the most difficult one to get on and off the lift.

He is the dad who never yelled or lectured his children if they forgot their ski helmet, ski pants, goggles, wool sock or gloves for weekly ski school lessons. Somebody always forgot something every Saturday between mid-January to mid-March.

He does not sweat the small. stuff. Where as I will rewrite a grocery list so it follows the layout of Kroger.

If he writes his own marriage diary version he is going to point out my self-checkout routine.

He is patient, kind, intelligent and all the things you want in a husband and a father.

He has a great role model in his eighty-nine-year-old dad.

But now, our days no longer include carpooling and our nights no longer include spelling word reviews. So it seemed like a good idea for a marriage audit of sorts.

It is the time to tighten up on what I affectionately refer to as husband habits.

Husband habits kind of sneak up into the marriage. Years (and years) ago they were endearing and kind of cute. But over time, and now working from home full time, they become grounds for changing the locks.

5 FUNNY REMINDERS FOR MY EMPTY NEST HUSBAND

Here are a few loving reminders for my empty nest husband. These are a little bit snarky and funny. I am married to an amazing man, but let’s face it sometimes we don’t need a text message to be followed by a phone call to let me know he responded to my text. t

THE BATHROOM IS NOT A WE-WORKS CUBICLE

• The bathroom serves one purpose. It is not a multipurpose space like a living room or kitchen.

FASHION OVER FUNCTION

• I know your paint splattered college sweatshirt and and matching denim jeans, that border on dad jeans, are comfortable. Consider Nordstrom’s Trunk Club or Stitch Fix, which is Garanimals for adult men.

YOU DO NOT HAVE A FEVER YOU HAVE A COLD

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

• The dosage instructions are on the bottle. Thanks to the OTC Drug Facts Rule by the FDA.
• Yes, you can drink a glass of water to wash the pills down.
• I know they are hard to swallow. You got this.
• No you do not have a fever.
• I know it tastes yucky.
• No, you do not have a fever.
• We only have cubed, not crushed ice.

DIRTY DISHES

Please, please rinse your spaghetti sauce splattered plate before it sits overnight and requires four gallons of water to soften the now Teflon strength sauce. And, when you soak a bowl make sure to fill it past the cheesy or sauce stains.

WE DO NOT HAVE WHITE GLOVE GARBAGE PICKUP SERVICE

• Our weekly trash pickup service does not include garage to curb or curb back to garage service. That is me hauling the trash cans in every week.

REMOVE YOUR SHOES

• Please remove your shoes from furniture.
• If you need a visual reminder just think about the surfaces the soles of your shoes encountered that day.

What are your must or absolutely not rules, I mean guidelines, for your spouse, partner, boyfriend, roommate or your boomerang kids?

What guidelines would your husband spell out for you? I know my husband has a few for me too! He would love to pull that list together- maybe for a future post here at Everyday Edits.

Thank you for stopping by today to read what is a term of endearment this pre-Valentine’s Day Saturday. I you laughed at a few of these I would love if you shared it or subscribe to The Weekend Edit which includes recaps for projects, tips and stories from the week. It’s a once-a-week newsletter that is a four-minute read! you can sign up here.

PS My husband is in Ohio for an impromptu father’s day weekend with our youngest. I have the house to myself which is the best Valentine’s Day gift. #snarkylaura